Category: mental wellbeing
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I know I am not big
The other day I was causally chatting with my colleague about diet, exercise, feeling fat/thin and the pressure around it. “You know, my parents keep saying I am big, even when I lost weight. I have decided that whatever they say will not matter to me anymore, even if they will comment that I am…
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Do we need to love ourselves before loving others?
I am sure everyone has heard this phrase before: “Love yourself first before loving others”. I, for a while, believed in this phrase too. Until reality hit me. I was convinced I could not love anyone due to my severe depression which led me to hate myself. Until… I did. Even with depression. As soon…
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You look thinner, you ok?
Last week I went to the dietologist. As always, we start the visit with general chatting, and then the moment comes, I step on the scale to see my progress. Although I lost weight, I convinced myself that I failed that week because it was not as much as a weight loss as in the…
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The diary of a student welfare intern – 2
Last few weeks were all about exams and invigilating students. I got chosen to invigilate a student who required a special chair and a special desk in order to sit comfortably and write their exam. There was, however, an inconvenience, as the special chair that had been ordered for them had not arrived yet. Instead,…
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Wanting to call home
The other day I picked up the phone to call my mum, like thousands of times before, but my feeling was different. I wanted to call her. In the past I mostly called her because she was pressing me to do so, tapping into my sense of guilty. “You never call”, “when we call you…
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The diary of a student welfare intern – 1
I got the opportunity for a job in a university, and I am in the team which, as a friend of mine put it, “carries on the students’ lives”. It is a rewarding job, as I get to help students with queries which are often related to psychological distress. It is not an easy job,…
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Emotional lessons
As a kid I grew up with two parents which had not be able to take care of themselves. This resulted in me assimilating some bad habits. My mum has never recovered completely since the divorce. She needed affection, and she put it on me. “Do you love me? Why do you never hug me?…
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Grandma died
Grandma died peacefully during her sleep. I am going to her funeral today. My mum said she doesn’t have any more reason to live. I pointed out I’m here. She said I am abroad so it does not count. I felt pain. She will never change. Image credits
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The nightmare goes on
Tonight to go to a place in which we celebrate my best friend’s birthday I had to pass in front of the house in which the person who touched me when I was little lives. I talk about that trauma in this post. It happened in that house. I almost cried, but I didn’t. I…
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You are too fat to talk about anything else
My dad welcomed me in Italy with “Are you pregnant?” Not even hi before. My mum said that it’s normal that other girls were jealous of me when I was younger, as I was skinny. My dad looked at me and said “no” My dad told me he wants a detailed plan for me to…
Through anxiety and beyond 