You look thinner, you ok?

Last week I went to the dietologist. As always, we start the visit with general chatting, and then the moment comes, I step on the scale to see my progress.

Although I lost weight, I convinced myself that I failed that week because it was not as much as a weight loss as in the previous visit.

Instead of being happy about being on track and progressing with something, I fixated on the fact that I achieved less than last time.

It is not healthy to think about the negatives in a positive outcome, I know, but sometimes I cannot help it. The relationship I have with my body has always been a difficult one, so controlling these thoughts is sometimes hard.

Since my weight increased last year my parents did all they could to make sure I felt bad about it, even “welcoming me home” with a comment on my weight and remarking I looked fat in a dress on my birthday.

I believe this is the reason why sometimes I still feel bad about my body. Sometimes these comments just slip in my mind again. I have decided to go on a weight loss diet for myself, and still, their comments are in my head, even though I know that what they say should not matter.

Anyway, after that visit I spent too long in front of the mirror trying different clothes to go clubbing, getting frustrated over and over and angrily looking at my reflection. I resolved it with going out with the outfit I planned to go with since the beginning even though I did not like my looks.

Sometime later I am at the pub and my friend looks at me, and with a concerned look she asks if I am ok. I asked why, as I felt fine. She answered with “It is just that you look so much thinner, so I am wondering is everything is ok with you, as you lost so much weight in so little time.”

That struck me. My weight loss was so much noticeable my friend thought that I was ill. She did not compliment me, she asked me if I was ok. And that is what it should always be, really. A caring comment on your wellbeing. It made me wonder if I have indeed lost too much in too little time. It made me realise I should give myself a break.

To whom is reading this I want to say, give yourself a break. If you are in the middle of something, anything, just look at the small progress you have might have made, instead of looking at how much you have not progressed.

And remember, from someone else’s point of view you might appear as someone who worked hard and deserves a rest.

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