Before feeling better you will feel at your worst

There’s no easy way out from an uncomfortable situation, as, if you want to get out, you will have to face what is making you feel uncomfortable.

This is not easy. Some people might spend a lifetime trying to ignore and suppress their worst feelings, only to find out they have to face them in order to get better.

I did it too. In difficult situations, like when a loved one is ill, I do not feel any particular emotion. Just numb and emptiness.

I thought that made me a bad person. How could I not feel sad? Angry? How could I not feel like I wanted to help?

My mum made me feel worse. She made me feel guilty for this. She asked me how I was feeling in a difficult situation, and I said I felt numb. She said it was not normal.

So I decided not to speak about it anymore. I acted sad and I suppressed this uneasy feeling of emptiness.

It was my dad who made me snap out of it. I told him I felt nothing. He told me that I should not feel bad about how I feel, because, really, I could not control it.

And it is true. I could not force myself to feel like I should have. There’s no right or wrong way about how to feel about something. You feel like you feel.

I felt at my worst when I realised I had ti accept this side of myself. I had to accept it and get through it.

So, during difficult times, I simply welcomed this numbness and moved on from it. I felt at my worst, as for me it was like accepting to be an insensitive monster.

But that is not true, either. I feel numb because I cannot cope with pain. My brain silences the emotions so I can cope with the difficulties without going insane.

But to find this out I had to recognise the feelings that made me feel uncomfortable. And that led me to feel comfortable.

Let me know what you think about this and if you have any similar story to share.

2 responses to “Before feeling better you will feel at your worst”

  1. I feel like numbness is survival mode, and sometimes that’s all the brain can manage.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I think the same!

      Liked by 1 person

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