Depression hinders every aspect of a relationship, including the most intimate one. It is very frustrating because you feel like you cannot connect with the other.
This brings shame in some people. It brought shame to me. I was just not interested in it, at all. I was also taking antidepressants and that doesn’t help, as these tablets lower the libido.
It can be frustrating for the other, too, as they might put it on themselves. It happened to me. The guy thought that he wasn’t good enough or attractive enough.
I had to explain him that I have always been like this. It just never worked. I felt so left out, like I was missing out on something everybody liked but not me.
The conversations with my friends were always the same. As they went on about an amazing night they had, I could just nod and stay quiet because for me it has always been just ok. It made me feel wrong and I got to think that maybe I wasn’t made for a relatioship after all.
You see, I found the other attractive and I really wanted to connect with them, I just couldn’t. While in intimate situations I was always miles away with the mind. I tried to focus, but obviously it didn’t work, as in these situations you don’t focus, you just let yourself go.
I was all about making the other feel comfortable and I tried to hide the fact that I wasn’t there. But that never worked, because they would understand I was disconnected. And they felt guilty because they thought I did it without wanting to.
The thing is, I wanted to. I always tried and always told them it was fine, because I hoped it would change at some point.
And it did, eventually, but just when I started to talk about this with the psychologist. I never raised the issue because I was ashamed and I thought I simply was like that.
Talking about it changed everything. I found out that in part I how I am, as in, I don’t value sex as fundamental in a relationship. Everything else needs to be fine for me to enjoy it.
Apart was connected to depression, as depression takes all your energy just to get through the day and it never lets you live in the present.
Another part was connected to the trauma I experienced when much younger. Talking about it helped me to understand that the other doesn’t want to hurt me; actually, they want me to feel as comfortable as possible.
I am happy I found the courage to talk about it, because now I can connect on all levels and it is something I wished for a long time. I don’t feel broken anymore and I can enjoy the present while in intimate situations, like it should be.
If you find it difficult to find a connection this way, please, talk about it. It is gonna help you to understand the reasons why you don’t enjoy it and put you on the right path to heal.
Please, let me know what you think about this topic and if you have had similar experiences.