On beauty

I swear I see the beauty around me. Heck, I seek it. Often, I look at the sky at sunset and every time I am surprised in front of such beauty. I am surprised when I see the full moon rising, and it’s big and shiny in the night sky. I am surprised when I can see the mountains, when there is no fog, so far and yet they seem so close, white because of the snow. I am enchanted by blossoming trees, by the perfect song on the radio, by the words of a stranger talking about love. I lose myself looking at people who are passionate about what they are doing. I notice all of this. I see the beauty. Yet, all this enchantment, all this surprise, they are never too deep. They cannot touch my heart. I feel like I am so close to fall in love with life and yet I cannot, I can only see it happening. I can see, but I cannot feel for real. I am in a glass bell; everything is outside but inside there is nothing. I don’t stop looking, listening, seeking enchantment and surprise, and hoping that something someday will touch my heart for real. I don’t close my eyes; I keep them wide open. And it’s frustrating. I’s frustrating to know that there is the world around me, but I cannot live it fully, because I am missing something. I miss feeling.

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